Treat Yo' Self

Last night I made my triumphant return to the gym.  By "triumphant," I mean I went to the gym.  For 30 minutes.  Trust me, it was a feat of nature.

I was on this arc-trainer elliptical-type thing, and I intended to do 30 minutes of cardio.  I immediately doubted myself - it's been 9 months since I've worked out, and even then I was doing Pilates, not cardio.  But I decided to try it out.  I looked down, and it had been 10 minutes.  And I was okay.  And suddenly I had Sue Sylvester's voice in my head saying, "You think cardio's hard?  Try going through stillbirth, that's hard!"  I knew I could do it.  It was such a small thing, but I realized that if I can walk through fire, I can pretty much do anything.

It was an important thought for me, an important breakthrough.  As people, but as women especially, we are so quick to put ourselves down and believe we can't do something.  We beat ourselves up over everything.  There are very few times that we're truly kind to ourselves.  Every misstep, no matter how large or small, is cause for self-doubt and even self-cruelty.

So here's my challenge, to myself and to you: Be kind to yourself.  Treat yo' self.  You've likely set standards for yourself that no one else recognizes.  Broken promises to yourself that no one else realizes you've made.  Fallen short of goals that no one but you knows you've set.  Because we're all doing it - we're all dealing with the same shit and fighting the same demons.  Mine have different origins than yours, but they're still there.  Telling me I can't do this and I can't do that and I'm a bad person and I let someone down.  Fuck that.  I'm done with it.  I'm a warrior.  I've gone through the greatest battle a mother can go through and I'm still standing.

So stand with me.  Whether you're doubting that you can get a promotion, lose ten pounds, be a better wife, mother, friend, sister...tell yourself to shut up.  You're already doing it.  Every day.  You're fighting that voice in your head and you're persevering and you're moving on with your life.  Give yourself a break.  Treat yourself.  Whether it's kind words or cupcakes (or, my personal favorite, a huge glass of wine).  And then move on.  Just do it is a slogan for a reason.  Get past the doubt.  You owe it to yourself.  And your family, and friends, and children, and pets, and whoever and whatever is important in your life.

Tonight will be the second night in a row I'm at the gym.  And we're meeting a trainer, and I suspect it will be harder (I also suspect - by which I mean, I'm absolutely certain - there will be MUCH more swearing involved).  But I'm going to fight through it.  Because I want to do something for myself.  I owe it to myself to be the healthiest person I can.  And possibly this weekend I'll treat myself with a cupcake.  Or five.  Whatever, I cheat on the weekends.  Shut up.