Second Class Concerns

So I've done a lot of writing about the horrible things that I have dealt with post-stillbirth.  However, there are a lot of things that are absolutely secondary concerns to everything else, and feel a little silly to whine about.  But you know what?  I have decided I'm not going to limit myself to whining about the big things.  Here are the (distant) second class concerns that we "angel parents" (still not a fan of that term, suggestions for something else are welcome and encouraged) deal with:

1. Play-Doh Body.  Oy, with this.  It's not enough that we are dealing with the hormonal side effects of pregnancy and birth, we are forced to deal with post-pregnancy bodies, as well.  Does this sound shallow?  It is.  And it makes me feel like a part of the mother tribe to share this shallow complaint.  I was blessed with genetics that allow me to be 5'10" and know that I would have try extremely hard to become morbidly obese.  The unfortunate side effect is that I have never had a huge need to exercise or watch what I eat (how sorry for me do you feel?).  At this point I am baffled by the way my body looks - it's like a child was molding a Barbie doll out of Play-Doh and lost steam.  There are lumps and bumps in completely nonsensical areas.  And I don't understand why when I do Pilates once a week(ish) and work out with a trainer once a week and sort of watch what I eat but also cheat with Qdoba nachos I'm not losing weight.  It's a mystery.

2. Bills, Bills, Bills.  This is a huge insult to injury.  Leaving the hospital without a baby in your arms is heartbreaking.  Getting bills in the mail for months after losing your child feels criminal.  Shelling out thousands of dollars for what feels like nothing (except the aforementioned Play-Doh body and enough material to start a blog) is a pain in the ass and a constant reminder of what you've lost.

3. Lactose Intolerant. Losing a child at any point beyond 12 weeks can result in a woman's milk coming in.  I have heard that this is painful.  It didn't even occur to me in the hospital that this would happen until my doctor told me.  Apparently there used to be a shot that would halt milk production, but it had cardiac side effects that were less than desirable.  Within a couple of days of getting out of the hospital, it happened.  My boobs were like the Grinch's heart.  They grew three sizes that day.  Sadly, Jeff could not even bear witness to this event (I have never been what the kids would call "well-endowed" - kids say that, yes?), as I was essentially binding myself down with the tightest sports bra I could get.  To women in my position, I have very few tips to help you through this, except for one: cabbage.  It helps.  It's gross.  But it helps.

So those are my top three annoyances.  Petty?  Sure.  But as I said, it makes me feel like I'm a normal mother - something that's a rare occurrence in my daily life.