Burden Me

I got a phone call from a very good friend of mine a couple of weeks ago.  He started the conversation by saying, "I know you have a lot going on right now, and I don't want to bother you with this, but I really need your support right now."  He proceeded to tell me that someone close to him (who I also know) is very sick.

I was stunned, and so glad that he called.  I wanted nothing more than to help him, to be there for him and this person in his life.  The support that Jeff and I have received from our friends and family (including this friend) has been nothing short of incredible.  I truly believe that when we are lifted up by our loved ones, they lighten the load of our grief.  This allows us to carry the weight of another's heartache and hardships.

I grieve every day for my daughter.  On days when the weight of it is almost too great to bear, I will receive a phone call, email, or text.  I am reminded that there are people in my life who share in this unbearable sadness, and there is an odd comfort in that knowledge.

I will never "get over" this.  I will always feel a longing for what could have, should have, might have been.  But I would not get out of bed every day if I didn't have hope for the future and a love for my friends and family that drives me.  I am drawn to those who are also hurting, as being able to help them makes me feel useful again.  It makes me feel less alone, so I suppose there's a selfish motivation there.

To this friend - to all of my friends and family - I am here for you.  You have been there for me in the darkest hours of my life; you are why I claw and scrape and dig my way out of the hole that threatens to swallow me when I am overwhelmed with sadness and despair.  I know it hasn't been easy, and I know it hasn't been fun.  I want to help you now.  If I am really as strong as people keep telling me I am, then know that I can handle whatever you have to throw at me.  I'm ready.